WARNING; I'm about to share some of my personal life with you and hoping you take time to understand.
A Heartbreak -
Damn so I don't even know where to start. Like everything hit me like a bus in the last 2 weeks. So long story short; My girlfriend broke up with me to be with her ex. Typical story of my life but it's a hurtful memory that will stick with me for a long time. So story goes we've been dating since last year Valentine's Day. Things were going good between us and nothing seemed to get in the way. She was happy, I was happy, things were good. She had problems with her ex which she told me she'd cut her off back in December and I was happy she moved on. That was a terrible lie that I was blind to see...
I found out that she was seeing her ex while we were seeing each other. This wasn't easy for me considering I've never hid anything from her let alone went behind her back. She broke up with me a week after Valentine's day. I was hurting and I didn't know how to cope with the heartbreak. It was a struggle.
A Relapse - [WARNING: TRIGGER WARNINGS ABOUT DRUGS/ ADDICTION/ SUICIDE]
For some of you who don't know I was an addict back then in my early years. High school was filled with kids wanting nothing more to get high and _____ up off of drugs. I got into a phase in my life where I had started using cocaine and heroin at 17. I had almost overdosed twice withing the 3 months of addiction. I had to go to rehab twice because of it. I came out clean and had been that way years after. Sadly, things changed recently. I was in so much pain from the break up trying to deal with my emotions that I turned to drugs and alcohol to numb out my pain. Smoking and drinking were't doing much for me since my mind was in the wrong place. Eventually I relapsed on Heroin after years of being clean. I've wanted to just feel something different other than what I was feeling. I remember walking up to the Brooklyn Bridge and sitting on the edge of a beam, ____ up on heroin and alcohol procrastinating on taking my life. I didn't do it but I felt like nothing else could help me numb the pain. I ended up passing out nearby a diner in my area. Eventually my girlfriend who recently broke up with me came around and wanted to take me back to her place where she took care of me for 3 days. I couldn't move at all from feeling so tired and drained. I want'ed to put a bullet through my head. I begin to move slowly and better. I was so upset with everything that was happening. I felt grateful in the end that she took care of me but it didn't mend that hole in my heart.
We ended up still being friends and we still talk from time to time but it doesn't stop me from crying myself to sleep knowing that the first person I've ever loved left me for her previous relationship. I'm still grateful to still have her in my life even when things still hurt.
The Show Must Go On! - With everything that's happened I'm not gonna store it inside of me. I made a mistake and must take responsibilities for what I did. Which is why to take my mind off of it I make music or smoke from time to time. A New song is in the process of being completed. Once I have done some final tests with them I'll promise I'll definitely release them. Thank you for the kind words from some and gestures too. It was a rough week but I'll get through and by them.